


watch me fall apart.

by Amonet



Series: Stony Ficlets [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 17:28:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16815199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amonet/pseuds/Amonet
Summary: "Howard's death is what destroys Tony, every year and Steve can’t help but hate them both for it, just a tiny bit. Howard for being such a bad father and Tony for not ever letting go. Because that’s the thing with Tony, he never ever lets go and he doesn’t forgive."





	watch me fall apart.

This is how it always begins. Alcohol. 

Every time, that’s how it starts. Tony will get up and get a bottle and Steve will sit in the kitchen, watching Tony get systematically wasted. There is no stopping it. Steve has tried, God has he tried, but it’s December and Tony’s parents… well. They’re dead. And to say that Tony is not over it is an enormous understatement.   
The drinking gets worse and worse, until December 16th. On December 16th, no one will see Tony, not the press, not Steve, even JARVIS has no access to the workshop for the anniversary. It’s unnerving, but Steve accepts it. Who is he to demand to be a part of this. He has lost Howard in a very different way than Tony and the pain is different, so different than what Tony felt. For him, it's old pain. He is used to it because he has felt it so many times with so many people and in comparison, it’s small. For Tony, it's the opposite. The pain is so fresh, Steve doesn’t know how he stands it. 

And while Tony claims to care so much more about his mother's death, Steve knows it’s all about Howard. About Howard leaving him behind, to fend for himself, the last abandonment in long, long row and the anger that came with them. It's about never getting to stand up to him, to tell him no and maybe even to tell him that he’s sorry.   
Howard's death is what destroys Tony, every year and Steve can’t help but hate them both for it, just a tiny bit. Howard for being such a bad father and Tony for not ever letting go. Because that’s the thing with Tony, he never ever lets go and he doesn’t forgive. He is reckless and selfish and he always blames himself for everything. Nothing gets past him. He is snarky and mean and Steve is so fed up with it, sometimes he just wants to shout at him until he listens, but the thing is that, with all his flaws, there is one thing about Tony Stark that makes it impossible for Steve to do that. Because Tony is an amazing boyfriend. He is caring and sweet and as attentive as he can possibly be, with all he has on his mind. He takes care of the people he loves and Steve has never had to doubt that he is Tony's first priority. He doesn't expect Steve to be perfect, he doesn't expect Steve to fix him and he certainly doesn't expect him to clean up his messes.   
That's why, every year on November 30th, Steve gets a post-it, with a date and a flight number. Tony is giving him an out, a chance to stay away for a few weeks. He knows Tony wouldn't mind him taking it. he knows he would never ever let someone hold it against Steve that he can't watch Tony destroy himself for 16 days each year. 

Steve has never taken the out. Every year on December 17th he is waiting outside the workshop and when the doors slide open at midnight he starts to clean out the bottles, sometimes cleans away vomit. He takes Tony to bed and makes sure that he is alright because if Tony is in pain, Steve wants to be the one to make it better. And if he can't, he'll at least make sure that Tony never suffers alone.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this, talk to me on tumblr or send me a prompt! I'm [Amonet-writes](https://amonet-writes.tumblr.com) over there!


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